THE SACRED IN SACRED SEXUALITY
The term sacred sexuality is in a way misleading because it can be interpreted to imply that sometimes sex is sacred and sometimes it is not. As human beings we are born with certain instincts and urges such as the urge to eat when we are hungry and to sleep when we are tired. We also have a sex drive. All three of these natural urges are necessary for our survival. Food and sleep keep us alive and so the innate need for them is an important part of our being human, so much so that it the urge is automatic. Go long enough without food and your hunger increases and increases until you can think of nothing else but how hungry you are and/or you will waste away and die. In the case of sleep you will eventually fall asleep whether you consciously want to or not.
As humans, our sex drive also has a purpose. Yes, it helps us keep our species going by creating new life, but it has another purpose as well; it is a homing signal, a reminder of from where we originated and of what is important in life. In fact, our sex drive is so strong and so important to express that it will be expressed in one way or another. Even if we try to tame it, express it in only in ways we think are socially acceptable, hold it in due to shame, fear of what others will think, cultural conditioning or other reasons, it will express, just perhaps in a way that is unfulfilling or even violent in its misdirection. Sex in and of itself is not dangerous, it is how we approach it, stifle it, misdirect it and color it with our own agendas based on past experiences, beliefs, etc. that make sex seem like less than the innate, beautiful, fulfilling experience that it ultimately is.
One of the reasons we crave sex so much is because of how wonderful it feels. This is such common knowledge that it is woven into our culture in just about every way possible. It is on our minds a lot (have you ever read one of those studies asking people how often they think about sex?!) and it is even part of how many of the products we use are promoted. Sex is part of how we respond to the people around us, and based on their response to us, we form opinions about ourselves. Sex is probably part of most every interaction we have, one way or another. It is a mental process as much as a physical thing that we “do” with someone. It is a foundation for how we feel about ourselves and how we take that sense of self into the world on a day to day basis. You can even think of sex as a currency or current of energy that we exchange in how we perceive others, how we respond to them based on that perception and how we feel about ourselves as a result. And interaction and exchange takes place, even if it is very subtle.
One of the gifts of having a sex urge is that it drives us to meet that need which often brings us together with others who also wish to meet that need. In the sexual interaction, an energy (current) exchange takes place physically but it again also takes place in how we feel about ourselves and the other(s) based on the interaction. Our past experiences have created expectations of ourselves, of our partner(s) and of the experience created together. Where it falls short of fulfillment, it is easy to attribute this to something about men, women, sex, the person or people you are with or to yourself. Thus sex has the capacity to stir up a lot of baggage, which we often continually perpetuate upon ourselves and each other. When this happens, sex can feel unfulfilling both physically and emotionally. Regardless of how much sex we may be having, if it is not fulfilling, it just leaves us wanting more and more as we try to get our fill. And if we have sex while feeling lack of trust, past hurts, repressed anger, etc. it is hard to really enjoy it fully because we are closed off to what makes sex most juicy (openness to experience it). This is similar to how some people approach food or other substances or experiences. More is not necessarily better. Nor is variety in terms of partners necessarily going to bring about the fulfillment we seek, it is how we choose to experience something that makes it fulfilling and sustaining. Experiencing the sacred in sexuality is a path of sexual and life fulfillment because it helps us to experience the whole of what sex is and what we are. Once we experience this wholeness, everything can be fulfilling if we so choose. Sex is never quite the same again.
Sacred sexuality can be thought of like stopping to smell the roses. Life is full of colors, textures, small details, tastes, sounds and more that are always present when you choose to take notice. A piece of fruit can be savored for its color, shape, size, scent, texture, taste and how it is presented (among other things). Or in a hurry to feed a hunger, we can gulp it down and not notice any of this, and feeling like we are still hungry for more of something. Sacred sexuality brings our attention to what is already present in our own bodies, in the bodies of others (if you choose to share the experience with others) and in what is created between people in the moment. In this regard sex is somewhat like dancing. An exchange of current (energy) takes place that is not just two or more people, it is something in and of itself that contains and includes whoever is present as one experience together. What’s more is that as you become aware of the sensations in your own body, it has a positive impact on the body of your partner(s) and of the overall experience.
Some people equate sacred sexuality with specific types of practices and/or techniques such as those of Tantra. Tantra is one approach to sacred sexuality but there are others such as Kama Sutra, Healing Love and more. Also, sacred sexuality can be experienced and enjoyed any time a person or people chose to savor the sensations and experience of pleasure in the moment. It can be independent of any specific approach or practices. Many people find the practices/techniques to be helpful in learning how to be aware and present to what is happening in the moment instead of stuck in the mental and emotional baggage and limiting self beliefs from the past. Since this type of conditioning is so much a part of how we interact, I believe learning and using practices and techniques such as breathwork, sound, eye contact and body movements are extremely valuable and helpful. However, it is important to keep in mind that these practices and techniques are not the full picture of sacred sexuality; they are just ways to be present and open to the fullness and wholeness of the moment. Many people equate sacred sexuality with techniques and lose track of sacred sexuality in its whole and ultimate form, which is the gift of being present (presence).
When people are truly present to themselves and each other sexually, their thoughts and baggage melts away and they become aware of the life force that sustains and unites them. The experience of divinity from which they came opens inside and around them and the feeling is exhilarating and pleasurable and much more. It is as if your senses open up even more and you feel pleasure/divinity/life force in greater depth and breadth because you are open to feeling more of it. It is always there and it is limitless. Sacred sexuality opens you to more of what is always present and this openness extends beyond “having sex” to an openness in everyday life, although the sex is really wonderful and that is a great reason for sacred sexuality in and of itself!
One of the great things about sacred sexuality is that you can choose to experience it at any time. Sexuality is life force energy (current) and it is always present. With practice you will be able to feel and enjoy your sexuality any time you wish, even if you are not with any other person or not in a relationship. Sacredness is about how you perceive things, about the openness to experiencing the divine within and around you. Any time you experience life force energy, you are experiencing sexuality. And when you shift your perception to go beyond mental conditioning, baggage, etc. by being present to the sensations in the moment, you are tuning into the sacred. Sacredness and sexuality are one…if you choose to experience them as such. From the experience of sacredness and sexuality being one, you can sense the sacredness in all experiences and all people. In life and in the bedroom, sacred sexuality can include things that many people would not typically define as sacred. However, if you are open to experiencing sacredness, you will learn from experience that it is everywhere. It is life changing and ultimately I believe it is what sacred sexuality is truly about.
A friend of mine once told me that sacred sexuality is not so much about knowing the sacredness in sex, but more about knowing that sexuality is the foundation of everything sacred in life and about life. He dreams of the day when not only would sacred be used to define sexuality but sexuality would be used to define and understand sacredness. Humanity has separated itself from sexuality; and when we objectify sexuality, we objectify ourselves by cutting ourselves off from our sacred source. Sacred sexuality is about being present to the fullness, the perfection, of our experience as human beings with our hearts and senses open to the depth and breadth that life is.
Linda White Dove
Copyright 2006 Linda White Dove
RE: The Sacred In Sacred Sexuality
June 15, 2012, 4:45 am
As a spiritually enlightened person I do believe that the union of 2 people should be based on unconditional love and commitment to just one person. This is our natural state of being. For the ones who have sexual addiction issues they have to package the act of sex for pleasure as something beautiful for the other person to buy into. Sex has nothing to do with enlightenment. In fact opening up the chakra of our sexuality can drain all of our spirituality as it drains it in the downwards flow.
I believe in healthy moderation as our sexuality is our lower chakra we need to have energy in the higher chakras as well. Lust is a negative energy and any sexual act that is not out of true love is a negative energy which can damage our thoughts and then the brain produces chemicals which attack the heart and this is called the octopus trap or broken heart syndrome. Some people rationalize lust as a spiritual practice when in fact tantra is a religion but people turned it into a sexual act. A sexual union can be pleasurable for both people but I am not able to separate love and sex in my reality so to me the exchange of sex with no committed love is negative energy. The exchange of money, food, gifts, etc. makes it prostitution. I believe lust is a hate crime against people. It is one of the DEADLY negative energies as seen by the octopus trap. Some people are into sex for pleasure and they have addiction problems. They have to try to get the other person to go along with the negative energy and present it as sugar coated (saying it is spiritual) when they decide they want to have multiple partners or they cannot commit and love the other person. Marriage is a commitment and a positive energy. I will not swallow the pill of lust which is sugar coated to look like love because although it tastes sweet on my tongue it will kill me.
To me sex is not sacred except if there is true love. Unconditional love to me is sacred light and love. When I crossed over to heaven I did not have sex with God. This is not my reality. The man you are talking about in the above description is a sex addict and his life revolves around sex and he needs others to feel this way too so that he will be more comfortable. His God is sexual and has sex and he says we have cut ourselves off from the sexuality of God. Personally I do not want to have sex with God nor did it ever cross my mind. The unconditional love energy that filled me up was enough. I do not need a human to tell me that I will get pleasure out of full filling their sexual addiction. But so many people in society have a sexual addiction. They will not get help. I like the song Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. One of the most spiritual songs I have seen related to the topic of putting God and Sex together in the same sentence. God is unconditional love energy and I am not separate from that.
Healing sexual tantra is a lie as it is base in negative energy of lust. Lust is why people need to get healed in the first place. So they are healing lust with another form of lust? The blind leading the blind. People who have been victims of lust can be cured with love. Real love or true love when they are ready and when they have unconditional love for themselves first. I see the truth in life and love is truth. So some people think lust is love. Like when I hear the man/boy love argument of the men who are sexual predators of boys and they long for the day when it will be legal for them to express and show their love to young boys. This is a hate crime but packaged up with lots of pretty wrapping. Maybe they will even suggest that this love is the spiritual connection of God in the union of their "love". I think no one will ever be able to prove to me that having sex with a child is okay ever. Actually people do not mature fully until the age of 24. I could argue lies upon lies upon lies all day long about many aspects of mental illness if I was a sexual predator. I hope you and others reading this will understand my point.
If people have to have sexual pleasure then they should stay away from others if it is out of a negative intent or want. They should think of the other person's feeling first and foremost and act out of unconditional love for the person with the long term commitment and honor the physical sexual act is sacred in that sense. These things can be hard to explain but friends with benefits or booty call are deadly energies that I would avoid at all costs and I do not care if a mink coat or nice words are attached to this kind of poison. If sex is spirituality then our sex organs should be on the top of our heads.
Sometimes I wish my third eye was not open so I could be blind and just believe all the lies people tell especially the sexual predators who wrap it up with such a pretty wrapping. I think out of the box but I can see through the wrapping into the box. Some people can only see the wrapping and this is the dream of the person who lusts. I hope they can keep dreaming because I do not want to see this manifest and radiate out into the world as negative energy. Negative energy hurts me so much. Bad intent. They see themselves as helping the world or they say that the victim is helping the world by providing a sexual service. I wish they would wake up from denial the 2 edged sword. I have heard it all and I have seen so many packages even more than all the Christmases put together. The shocking thing for me really is that people believe sex is spiritual. (I think they got it from the Muslims because they say if you kill all the non-Muslims then you will be rewarded in Heaven with 7 virgins. Gee doesn't that mean they will be having sex in Heaven? What happens if the virgins are no longer virgins then do they get replaced and how do the virgins feel about standing in line and waiting their turn? Gee who wrote this?? Oh yeah God wrote it because he is spiritual and sexual).
shining in the love and light
Chalk It Up To Difference Of
October 20, 2009, 11:15 pm
Chalk it up to difference of opinion. I do not experience god as an external being, but rather a state of consciousness that comes from experiencing the divine in all the material world has to offer, including sex. Death, for me, comes from treating the divinity of sexuality as not worthy of my full attention, experience and enjoyment. To do that is to ignore god and call it unworthy. Sounds like it is different for you.
August 18, 2009, 6:25 pm
Thank you for this thoughtful and beautifully written post.
Sex is as deeply misunderstood by humans as Love is. For centuries we have tried to separate ourselves from this fundamental flow, calling it 'dirty' and delegating the sacred to the shadows, even to the gutters. In this we have done ourselves-and God- a disservice. Sexuality does not keep us separate from the Divine. We separate ourselves from the Divine when we desecrate the Sacred gift of sex by calling it dirty and denying its natural part in our Being.
Sexual energy is indeed a sacred part of the human experience, and I am so glad to see this post speaking of it with reverence. For those who still think it is an obstacle to union with God, I say that sex is pure energy of creation. The energy used to create US. What greater gift from a Creator to his creation than to bestow the ability to create as well?
Thank you so much for posting this.
May you be richly blessed.
Sex Is A Most Sacred Act,
August 18, 2009, 6:01 am
Sex is a most sacred act, looked upon by God and created as a means to create a child but not just any child, but a a real HuMan. Animals have sex out of instinct, but man can resist this and rise above his desires. A child born out of merely meeting the calls of the desires of the flesh will intuitively know. No one wants to think this was why they were born. Yes sex is everywhere, advertised on tv encouraging women to dress in revealing clothing to appeal to men in this way, but why? Do you think the media does things out of benefit to man or to keep information away from him? As long as man is succumbing to his desires he cannot connect with his himself or his soulmate and he is therefore kept away from the truth within his soul. He is led away from believing himself to be the child of God, made at the apex of all creation. Once man realizes this, no one else can control him. But the man who uses his beloved one to fornicate with, she will be something else to him, and the truth will evade him, and he will get desperate trying to find that missing thing he's been searching for. He then starts to look outside the marriage at other women, thinking they may be the ones to fill that thing that is missing. It is the next logical step in the chain.